


happy turkey day

by yerbamansa



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Birds, Cooking, F/M, Family Dinners, Hiking, Holidays, M/M, Movie Night, Other, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 03:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerbamansa/pseuds/yerbamansa
Summary: The Rose family compromises on having a big American Thanksgiving together so the kids can spend time with their respective partners' families over other holidays. It's not ideal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always love big, awkward dinner scenes in my favorite media, so this is my attempt to write one. Well. Laying the groundwork, anyway.

Moira hadn't reacted well when her children said they might want to spend a holiday with their significant others instead of the family. A few dramatic "How could they DO this to US?!" may have been shrieked behind closed doors and thin motel walls.  
  
It wasn't like David was thrilled at the prospect of spending an entire weekend with Patrick's family. Sure, he loved Patrick, and the people who gave his perfect business partner/boyfriend life couldn't be all bad, but despite Patrick's best attempts to quell his fears, David's gotta be David: worried and stressed and making increasingly frantic faces that he needed to tamp wayyy the hell down before talking to his parents about Thanksgiving.  
  
Alexis, of course, had been first to let everyone know she'd be spending the holidays with Ted. They already had tickets and reservations for a cute weekend out of town...where his mom's family lived. But there'd be room service, so Alexis was sold.  
  
It was Stevie who gently suggested to Johnny that they could host an American Thanksgiving dinner at the motel. "You guys spent so much time on that side of the border," she noted with a shrug.  
  
"Isn't that thoughtful, Stevie," Johnny considered. He knew Moira would never admit being okay with this alternative, but family was too important not to do it anyway.  
  
Plus, Moira couldn't turn down an opportunity to plan a party.  
  
David was in, with the caveat that there would be no sing-alongs or staged performances.  
  
So it was that a big family holiday dinner was set in the books for the Roses and Rose-adjacent.

* * *

The night before, David and Patrick decided to host a holiday movie night at Rose Apothecary.  
  
"So what are you showing, _Planes, Trains & Automobiles_?" Stevie asked.  
  
"Now there's a classic!" Patrick agreed. David made a horrified face.  
  
"Let me guess. It's very 'off-brand.'"  
  
"No, it's just that we will be watching Jodie Foster's underrated _Home for the Holidays_ with Holly Hunter and Dylan McDermott."  
  
Patrick and Stevie exchanged knowing smirks. _A romantic comedy. Shocker._  
  
"What about a double feature? Sell more drink tickets, get some more people in the store," Patrick suggested.  
  
David was _trying_ to learn how to compromise, they both knew. But family stuff stressed him out, so he was less able to self-edit. His face showed every thought.  
  
" _Fine_."  
  
It wasn't the first movie night they hosted at the store, and David had acquired some aesthetic-but-cozy seating for such events. For the holiday, he carefully selected floral arrangements in muted autumnal tones to place around the store, but Patrick had to draw the line at an oil-slick-black taxidermied wild turkey.  
  
Townies began to trickle in around 6:30. Everyone had a glass of wine or bottle of beer. David, looking pleased, settled into the chair that was just perfect for him and Patrick, who was handling the A/V setup in the back.  
  
"Hey, welcome everyone, I think we're about to get started," Patrick projected from in front of the screen. "In case you didn't know, this week we're celebrating American Thanksgiving, so our first picture is 1995's _Home for the Holidays_. David would like me to tell you that Holly Hunter deserves your admiration and respect, so, uh, please enjoy this underrated classic." His voice was stilted enough to suggest he was reading something he didn't quite mean.  
  
The audience applauded lightly as Patrick flicked off the lights, hit play, and settled in next to David. Any movie was at least 36% more watchable if they were snuggled up.

* * *

Patrick got up to turn on the lights again as the credits rolled while David scrounged up some fresh snacks and booze for the remaining crowd.  
  
"OK, folks, hope you enjoyed that. Take a few minutes to refresh your beverages--there's still drink tickets available--and stretch your legs, and we'll put on _Planes, Trains & Automobiles_ in a few minutes."  
  
In the back, Stevie helped David with the drinks and offered him an edible, which he accepted. Then it was time to start the next movie.  
  
"Hope everyone's ready for our next feature," Patrick announced. "Just sit back, relax, and be grateful you aren't traveling anywhere tomorrow, eh?" He dimmed the lights and slipped back onto the chair next to David.  
  
When John Candy first appeared on screen, only Johnny noticed as Moira started to tear up a little, and he patted her arm comfortingly.

...  
  
"David, you're enjoying this a _lot_ more than you let on," Patrick whispered after Steve Martin's f-bomb tirade.

"Uhm, yeah, I _may_ have eaten something Stevie brought."  
  
Patrick rolled his eyes. Marijuana wasn't his drug of choice, but it could help David chill the fuck out when he was starting to spiral. Like he might do the night before a big family holiday dinner. Fuck it, he thought; just enjoy the movie and the company.

* * *

Schitt's Creek wasn't exactly a holiday destination, and mid-week occupancy at the motel was low. David and Patrick got Stevie to let them have a room for the night. Private, with no walls adjacent to any other Roses. Soon, they hope, they won't need this, but while they still do, it's a blessing.  
  
Plus, Patrick thinks, there's just enough of a kitchenette for him to prepare his contribution to the dinner. He tucked his groceries and tools away before David could see, then hopped in bed, hoping David wasn't too far gone to enjoy their limited privacy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick surprises David with his kitchen skills. Well, that he has kitchen skills at all.

David woke up at the crack of 9 to the smell of cinnamon buns and the light sounds of Patrick tinkering in the kitchenette. He peeked out from under the covers to see the steam coming off a cup of coffee on his bedside table. His arched eyebrows softened as he let his gaze drift over to Patrick.  
  
 _That straight-leg denim looks fucking hot on him._  
  
"Are you...are you cooking?" he finally asked, slightly incredulous.  
  
Patrick glanced over at him with a smile. "Good morning, sunshine."  
  
"Seriously. What are you even doing?"  
  
Patrick chuckled and unwrapped the foil on some beets.  
  
"You know how to _cook_?"  
  
"I mean, I know some things," Patrick replied, as he casually slipped a chef's knife out of its case.  
  
David sat up in bed and picked up his coffee. "Mmmm. Okay. And thank you for this," he said, lifting the cup.  
  
"Did you want to help?"  
  
"Mm. No. I'm scarred from the time my mother 'taught' me how to make enchiladas."  
  
"Heh. Guessing that's a 'the less said, the better' situation."  
  
"Mmm. Indeed. So, where did you put those cinnamon buns?" said David, getting out of bed to get a closer look at his boyfriend. Who was _cooking_.  
  
There were some roasted beets wrapped in foil, which Patrick was slicing up into smaller wedges, staining the cutting board. He had a dish towel tucked into his belt to keep things tidy. Near that, there were a couple grapefruits and oranges, a shallot, a cup of toasted pine nuts, bottles of nice oil and vinegar and honey--David noted that at least a few of those were from Apothecary suppliers--and a bag full of tender arugula leaves. David was too distracted to take a bite of his breakfast. He was just standing behind Patrick, eyes darting around in wonderment (or was that mild concern?).  
  
"David, I told you I was going to make something for the dinner."  
  
"I thought you were kidding."  
  
"Do I kid about stuff like that?"  
  
David peeled a bit of cinnamon bun off and gleefully shoved it in his mouth before answering. "Nuh uh," he responded, mouth full, eyes bright.  
  
Cooking wasn't one of Patrick's main hobbies, but a skill he easily acquired. He helped his mom in the kitchen at home. He knew how to whip up a few simple dishes just fancy enough to impress a girl, or, well, now David. Cooking for a loved one was romantic as hell, he thought; living at Ray's meant he didn't get as much chance to show off as he'd like. But he knew it'd surprise David, so he held onto it like a secret until the right opportunity presented itself.  
  
"I guess 'nice kitchen' is going on the wishlist for our new place," David said sweetly.  
  
Patrick smiled and set down his knife. "I'm going to make you something a lot nicer than a pretty salad when we get our own place."  
  
David placed his hands on Patrick's face and pulled hm into a kiss. "Oh yeah?"  
  
"Mmhmmm."  
  
"I can think of nice things to make for you right now."  
  
Patrick pulled the dish towel out of his belt and set it on the counter. "Oh, yeah? The salad can wait..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who cooks *a lot* the whole "fold in the cheese" thing destroyed me on, like, a molecular level; trying to figure out how these people who are all kitchen-averse would make a Thanksgiving dinner without professional help required creative liberties with non-family characters.
> 
> Also, this is what Patrick is making: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2012/02/beet-and-citrus-salad-with-pinenut-vinaigrette-recipe.html


	3. Chapter 3

Stevie snuck out after the movie to meet Jake's truck without being seen. David knew she's still seeing Jake, but she didn't need to shove it in his face.  
  
"So why didn't you ask me to come to movie night, babe?"  
  
"I told you before. Because you were weird about Patrick and David and it makes everyone uncomfortable."  
  
"Uhhh, I don't think so."  
  
"Seriously. I never want to relive that moment. And David _still_ makes fun of me for 'pony.'"  
  
"What is the deal with that Patrick guy, anyway?"  
  
"Dude, knock it off. You're not that dumb."  
  
"I just don't get it."  
  
Stevie stares at him, bemused, for a solid minute. "Uh huh. Let's just go back to your place."  
  
"You still up for that hike tomorrow?"  
  
"Oh, fuck." Stevie pulls out her phone to text Patrick.

* * *

Even though Schitt's Creek was somewhere in rural Ontario, the weather was always pretty mild, and Johnny figured they could set up a makeshift kitchen outdoors to cook the turkey. Roland finagled a family invite to the gathering with a convoluted brag about his grilling skills, so Johnny grudgingly entrusted the bird to him.  
  
None of the Roses _really_ knew how to cook, so most of the sides would have to be storebought. David, naturally, worked out deals with his favorite suppliers. Patrick insisted on making _something_ , but he had been cagey about it. It was more fun that way. Ted ordered some special Classic Holiday Sides from Nevada with Alexis's approval.  
  
Jocelyn offered to bake desserts and bring a cheese ball.  
  
Stevie brought the bourbon.

It took at least three patient conversations with Johnny and one awkward one with both kids before Moira figured out how to set her mind to be OK with this less-than-ideal scenario.

* * *

 

In an attempt to act like helpful, gracious hosts, Johnny and Moira spent all day Wednesday "helping" Roland and Jocelyn with food prep at the Schitt's house.  
  
Moira, fashionably overdressed in some designer all-black ensemble with statement jewelry and fingerless gloves--Jocelyn really didn't get the gloves, or any of it, but she'd learned to accept Moira's whole thing--joined Jocelyn and baby Roland Moira in the kitchen, ostensibly to lend a hand with the pies.  
  
Naturally, Moira objected to Jocelyn's selection of aprons, and couldn't seem to wrap her head around the concept of rolling out pie dough.  
  
"It's OK, Moira, I wouldn't want you to get flour all over your blouse, anyway," Jocelyn said. "Maybe you can help fill the pies."  
  
"Oh, Jocelyn," Moira cried helplessly, gently rocking baby Roland's cradle. "I'm afraid after years focused on developing my instrument, I'm quite unsuited to such domesticities."  
  
Jocelyn gave a half smile. She'd expected that. It was enough, really, that Moira showed up at all. Tending to the baby was just a sweet bonus she thought better than to comment on.  
  
The men headed out to the garage, where a wild turkey was hanging by its neck. Apparently it had been for days. Johnny stifled a gag reflex and wished he'd worn more casual clothing. "Is this safe, Roland?"  
  
"'Is it safe,' pffft," Roland scoffed. "Johnny, I've been hunting turkeys my whole life. So, anyway, we're gonna need to pluck all the feathers off this bird."  
  
Johnny regarded Roland with caution, one eyebrow aloft.  
  
"Let's get plucking!" Roland said in a vaguely German accent, handing Johnny a pair of pliers. "And oh, Johnny, try to keep those big feathers in tact. Jocelyn wants them for a school project."  
  
Johnny sighed and got to work, afraid to admit that maybe Roland did, in fact, know what he was doing. For once.

Maybe tomorrow would go off without a hitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm vegan and I had to read about how to prepare a whole, wild turkey for this. Uggghhhh. http://www.wildharvesttable.com/2010/11/08/preparing-wild-turkey/


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still the morning of, dialog-heavy, I don't know that there is actually a plot here? But it was fun to write different people. (Writing Moira requires a thesaurus, just for funsies.)

"OK, so, today..." Alexis began.  
  
"The hike." Ted smiled. "I'm looking forward to it--getting outdoors."  
  
" _Yessss_. So nice to get outdoors. Um. So. Patrick just texted me that Stevie said that _Jake_ is gonna be there."  
  
Ted furrowed his brow a bit. "Wait. Remind me who Jake is again?"  
  
"Stevie's boyfriend. I guess. But also David's ex. They were in, like, some kind of throuple very briefly, and it was _very_ awkward because you know David wasn't the favorite."  
  
Ted hadn't heard this story before and couldn't help but laugh to himself.  
  
"Anyway, apparently Jake doesn't like Patrick? Which, like, what? So we just need to be, like, aware of that."  
  
"Does David know?"  
  
"Oh my god. That's the best part. No one told David yet. About the hike, I mean. Stevie and Patrick wanted to spring it on him as, like, a joke. So play along."  
  
"Oh boy."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ted threw a t-shirt and lightweight hiking shoes in a bag next to the stack of microwave-safe mail-ordered holiday sides, ready to bring out to the car.  
  
"Well, I hope this isn't too much of a _shih-tzu_!"

* * *

"I never told you this, but part of the reason I came here was because of the hiking," Patrick confessed as David finished his morning routine.  
  
" _Oh_ ," David said, high-pitched.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, after breaking things off with Rachel, I, uh, wanted to hike the Trans Canada Trail."  
  
"The Trans... Canada Trail. Uh huh."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"So a trail... that goes across... Canada?"  
  
"That's correct."  
  
"Is that anything like Reese Witherspoon in _Wild_? Because her feet were _revolting_ in that."  
  
Patrick laughed. "I did read the book. And it sounded really cathartic at the time."  
  
"Well. I like your feet the way they are. Mountaineering shoes or no."  
  
Patrick regarded his feet a moment, then looked David softly in the eyes. David smirked and took a step closer to Patrick.  
  
"Does that mean you approve of my hiking boots now? Because that reminds me..."  
  
"Mmmmh." David reared his head a bit.  
  
"How'd you feel about a Thanksgiving Day hike later? Like Oprah," he added with a chuckle.  
  
"Why do I get the impression you've been planning this for a while now?"  
  
"Well, Stevie--"  
  
" _Stevie_! So you _have_ been conspiring against me."  
  
Patrick was definitely laughing at him now. David, looking strained, took a moment to consider.  
  
"Will there be snacks?"  
  
"I don't know if you'll be hungry after dinner, but sure. So you'll come?"  
  
David grimaced. He knew it was a trap. But he also knew they wouldn't make him do anything truly awful. Would they? "Fine. I will go. On a _hike_. Today."  
  
"Good. Then I should warn you, also, that apparently Jake is coming."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  


* * *

In the motel lobby, Moira was already fretting about the party decor when David finally came downstairs.  
  
"David! Come help your mother. Just because we're resigned to this... charmless vintage chamber, doesn't mean we must acquiesce to to such squalor."  
  
"That's a bit much. I did bring floral arrangements from the store. And I've been considering bringing more housewares into the store, so we also have artisanal place settings."  
  
Moira looked around, momentarily hopeless. David, despite himself, eyed her with pity.  
  
"Look. I know it's not what you had in mind. I certainly didn't have in mind spending my afternoon in the wilderness"--Moira stared at him in horror for that--"but I'm learning to c-- com... compromise." David winced.  
  
"Compromise?" Moira repeated.  
  
"Yes. Also, what is Patrick doing outside with Roland, and do I need to save him?"  
  
"Oh. Speaking of compromise. Your father and Roland have been preparing a turkey on the grill, and dear sweet Patrick was enlisted to support their endeavor."  
  
David grimaced, but by now, he knew better than to interfere. Especially after learning that Patrick actually knew how to cook. He picked up a tablecloth and moved toward the makeshift dining table. "Shall we?"  
  
"You go ahead, dear; I'm still working on the seating arrangement."  
  
"Just don't put me next to Roland."  
  
"Oh, please, David, I have more sense than that. Your father can deal with Roland."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Thanksgiving. Things go...pretty okay?

Moira, naturally, had used her seating powers for personal gain and placed her children’s partners on either side of her. It wasn’t a traditional or formal arrangement, but it suited her needs. Both David and Alexis all too often tried to “ugh, ew” the suggestion of family dinners, and Moira wanted a chance to charm and interrogate these dashing young men.

For all the Rose kids’ audible griping, neither Ted nor Patrick had any concerns about this arrangement. They were dudes from normal families, for lack of a better word: impressing a partner’s parents was expected. And in all honesty, Mrs. Rose wasn’t too difficult to win over when you’re head-over-heels in love with her beloved children.

That didn’t mean there wouldn’t be _some_ drama. Moira was still Moira.

“Mom, I hope you didn’t have to write down questions to ask them,” Alexis smirked as she sat down between Ted’s seat and Jocelyn. Ted was busy warming up his side dishes.

“Alexis, I’ll thank you to save such calumnious insinuations for another day. Can’t a mother simply want to get to know the gentlemen with whom her children have chosen to spend their time?” Moira quietly tucked a napkin into her sleeve.

Alexis pouted reflexively.

“Darling, I know you love Ted, and Ted you. Let us embrace that, as a family. Here. Today!” Moira smiled radiantly at her daughter. It exuded a sincerity and affection Alexis wasn’t used to coming from her mother. She tried to stifle an “ugh.”

“Isn’t this sweet,” David announced from across the room. “Can we finish setting the table, please? And could someone check on whatever’s happening outside? I didn’t realize it took so many people to make a turkey.”

“Everything’s fine, David,” said Jocelyn, walking in at just the right moment. “Let the boys do their thing!”

David looked pinched and shot Alexis a look, mouthing "their thing?" She smirked.

“Anyway, I come bearing pies. Where can I set up the baby?” Moira gestured Jocelyn over to her assigned seat the table while Alexis gingerly accepted a stack of Tupperware.

“Well, great. That’s great. I think I’m just gonna go...” David pointed a ringed finger toward the door and slipped outside.

Roland and Johnny were huddled near a deep fryer setup in the middle of the motel’s front lawn, engaging in the kind of banter David would prefer not to overhear. But here he was.

“—it keeps the bird nice and moist, Johnny, that’s why—“ Roland looked up as David approached and saw him wince. “Dave! What’s happening?”

“Oh. I just came out to check on... this. About what time, do you think?”

“Soon, real soon. Got this going a couple hours ago, and somehow your dad hasn’t screwed it up yet,” Roland chortled and shoved a finger into Johnny’s shoulder.

“I appreciate your faith in me, Roland,” Johnny grumped. “Where’d I put my beer.”

“OK. Yeah. I’m going to go find Patrick. Don’t—don’t set anything on fire.”

“Yeah, sure, Dave. I’ll try to keep Johnny away from the fryer.”

David nodded skeptically and scanned around for his boyfriend. He spotted him over by the shed, talking to Stevie, who’d finally deigned to show up.

“David! How’s everything going in there?” Patrick called to him.

“It’s fine. Surprisingly fine.” He was bristling with anxiety, still.

“See, what’d I tell you.” Patrick placed a reassuring hand on David’s back.

“So Patrick was telling me that he made something. To eat,” Stevie said.

“Yes! I saw him use a knife and everything. I don’t know where this cooking person came from.” David beamed at Patrick. “I just hope it’s good, because I noticed you’re using a lot of items from the store, and it’s important that you represent the store well.”

“Of course. Of course, I’m thinking about the store’s brand.”

“Yeah, David, I think you should have faith by now that Patrick holds your brand in highest regard in all things.”

David is used to this kind of needling. He lives for this needling.

“So, what is your contribution? Besides, apparently, bringing Jake out of hiding. For a hike. To torture me.”

Stevie rolled her eyes and produced a large bottle of bourbon. “I’ve got cups in my bag, too. If you wanted to get started now.”

“If you insist.”

David almost choked on the booze when he heard the commotion coming from the turkey fryer.

“EVERYTHING’S OK!” hollered Roland.

“You’ve got something on your sleeve,” Johnny gestured, eyebrows raised. “Fire. You’re on fire!”

Roland was already rolling on the ground, smacking his arm on the grass.

Jocelyn emerged from the motel. “Rollie! What happened?”

“I think there was a little too much oil in the fryer and...”

“It’s fine, Jos! Look, already out!” Roland, lying on the ground, breathing heavily, held his arm up. The sleeve was singed and it was still smoking a little, but no obvious signs of a burn. “Anyway, the turkey’s done, guys.”

* * *

Johnny stood at the head of the table—a couple folding tables set end to end, set with wares from his son’s store and covered with a bounty of dishes brought there by this makeshift family they found here in Schitt’s Creek, of all places—and gave his wife at the other end a look that communicated pride and love and a little uncertainty. His children, their partners, and their friends were chatting among themselves, waiting for Johnny. Moira raised a glass and tapped it gently with a knife, and everyone quieted.

"John?" Moira nodded in his direction, and everyone turned their head.

"Thank you, Moira. Thank you, everyone, for being here today. Now, I’m not much for speeches, but I wanted to say a few words." Johnny smiled warmly at the group gathered at the table. "When we came here, we weren’t in a good place, and we didn’t think we’d be here long. But life... life had other plans. In spite of ourselves, it’s become home. We became a family again. And that’s in no small part thanks to everyone sitting here."

Johnny paused as some eyes gleamed slightly with tears and gave each other meaningful glances (and a smirk or two). His heart swelled. "So let’s raise our glasses and have a toast."

The room filled with the sounds of "cheers!"—Roland went with "prost"—as glasses clinked.

"Well, all right then. I guess it’s time to carve the bird."

Roland stood up and immediately crowded Johnny, offering aggressively unhelpful advice on how best to slice their turkey. Moira let her unusually satisfied gaze drift from her husband bickering with the mayor, down to Jocelyn as she checked in on the baby, to Alexis and Ted beginning to pass around the sides. Patrick gently interrupted her to offer a roll, and she passed the green beans in turn. She chuckled when she noticed Stevie filming Johnny and Roland with David egging them on. This all felt very natural and good. In spite of ourselves, indeed, she thought.

* * *

By early afternoon, no one could eat any more. Conversation petered out as forks and knives were abandoned on their plates. But some of them had further plans.

"So, it looks like a beautiful autumn afternoon out there," Patrick announced. "Who’s up for a hike?"

That’s when there was a knock at the door.

Pie would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to finish this puppy before *actual Thanksgiving*...which is gonna be low-key af around here because we are stuck inside with no visitors, due to a death cloud of smoke. Pity us here in the Bay Area. But it gives me time to fuck around with this, so enjoy?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids go for a hike. The parents don't. The end is in sight, and it will involve pie.

Before anyone could get up, the door jangled open and Jake appeared. “Oh, hey,” he said by way of greeting the sea of staring faces.

“Jake, I thought we were meeting you at the trail,” Stevie growled. Jake shrugged.

“We’re just about ready to go, Jake,” Patrick piped up.

Moira had insisted the kids go ahead and enjoy the afternoon, that they’d take care of cleaning up. The mess wasn’t too terrible, but the motel’s washing up facilities left much to be desired.

"Do you and Johnny ever think about getting your own place?" Jocelyn asked, kindly. She realized that moving out of the motel might signify some kind of commitment—or at least acceptance—of this lifestyle.

“Oh, Jocelyn, who has time to ponder such notions.”

* * *

Somehow their little hiking group had split up into unexpected pairs, and Patrick was in the middle of the pack chatting with Jake. David, trying to distract himself by listening in on Alexis and Ted’s conversation, kept looking back at them with a furrowed brow. Jake probably didn’t notice, but Patrick did.

David had no idea how long they’d been walking or what terrible nature things had landed on his sweater by the time Patrick broke off his chat and joined his boyfriend.

“What the fuck were you _talking_ about?”

“He just told me that he’s ‘a pretty open guy’ and looked like he wanted to kiss me.” David looked taken aback. And a little bit guilty. “Don’t tell me that worked on you?”

“In my defense, I was _very_ lonely, and also _very_ competitive with Stevie the night of that party.”

Patrick chuckled. “Sometimes I wish I knew you then.”

“I don’t.” David huffed.

“I wonder if you would’ve made a move on me then.”

“I don’t know that I’ve _ever_ made a move on you without… provocation. I didn’t think _you_ were into _me_.” David was struck with momentary introspection. “At least Jake was direct.”

Patrick stopped, and David turned around to stop with him. “Listen. I was a mess of a human being. Well, I’m still a mess of a human being. But I’m _your_ mess of a human being, and I’m...” David searched for the right word. “Grateful? Because the good things I have today, the ones I had to actually work for, for the first time in my life, most of them are with you.”

Patrick looked at him with those deep brown eyes, which never failed to make David swoon at least a little. He was, honestly, a little speechless. As much as he loved being able to tease David with a snappy comeback to his rare and wonderful moments of sincerity, sometimes it was better just to appreciate it. He pulled David into a kiss.

By the time the moment passed, they saw the rest of the group had gotten pretty far ahead. “Should we keep going, or…?”

“Whatever you like,” David whispered, and Patrick was torn between finishing the hike—it was a beautiful day, and what were the chances he’d get David to come out like this ever again?—and grabbing David’s hand and running back to their room.

Patrick squeezed David’s hand, searched his eyes, and sighed. “Roland is still at the motel. I think we better keep going. Plus, I need to give Jake my answer.”

“ _Right._ ”

The two caught up with the group in time to hear Ted pointing out wild animals and Alexis attempting to be interested. They were paused overlooking a pond, watching waterfowl. Even David had to admit the view was pretty idyllic.

“You hear that? It’s an American goldfinch.”

“Ted, who knew you were into birds? I didn’t realize you were a wild animal vet,” Patrick called out.

“Oh, no, it’s just a hobby. In fact, I’ve participated in the annual bird count almost every year now since opening my practice.”

“Well, isn’t that adorable,” Alexis said. “So, um, like, what about those?” She pointed to a small flock of Canada geese gathered on the edge of the pond.

“Oh, don’t mess with those,” Jake offered. “Geese will fuck you up.”

Stevie stared at Jake. “There _has_ to be a story here.”

“Nah, just a lesson learned the hard way.”

Now everyone was staring at Jake, except Patrick, who was staring at David. Quietly, he said, “You were _into_ this guy?”

“That was before I knew about this geese incident, among other things,” David replied through gritted teeth.

“Well, I was once the guest of the British royal family, and there was a party that got, like, very out of control, and some of the guests ended up in the hospital with injuries from the Queen’s swans, so...” Alexis trailed off. “I’m still a little scared of any bird with a long neck.”

“I’d hate to be the Queen’s vet with all those swans,” Ted chuckled. “Well, anyway, shall we continue?”

“The sooner this is over, the sooner we get pie, right?”

“Yes, David.”

“And how long do you think that might be?”

“David, we’ve only walked a mile and a half of a 4-mile loop.”

“ _Fuck_. Did you bring any snacks?”

“How are you _hungry_ already?”

“I don’t know! But you promised snacks, so hand it over.”

Patrick reached into his pocket and pulled out an energy bar. “Hope you like cherry-almond flavor.”

“Mmhmm.” David took the bar in his ringed hand and daintily held it up to inspect it. He made a face. “It’s warm.”

“Just eat it and keep walking.”

* * *

Back at the motel, dishes had been washed and folding tables put away. Johnny found a copy of _The Godfather_ on DVD and got cozy on the lobby sofa. Moira and Jocelyn joined him. “Where’d Roland go?” Johnny asked.

“Oh, he’s putting the baby down for a nap. I’m sure he’ll be down soon. He loves this movie.”

They watched the movie in comfortable silence for a while before Roland reappeared. “What are we watching?”

“ _The Godfather_ ,” Johnny replied without looking up.

“Ooooh. Great choice.” He plopped himself down next to Jocelyn. “’You think I’m funny? I’m a clown? I amuse you?’” he said in an exaggerated—and bad—impression of Joe Pesci.

“No, Roland, that’s _Goodfellas_.”

“I don’t _think_ so.”

“Well, it is, and that’s not quite how it goes anyway.”

“John?” Moira placed a calming hand on his forearm and shook her head slightly. It wasn’t worth arguing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group hiking selfies, pie, and board games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read up on Canadian dessert specialties and now all I can smell is maple and brown sugar and I'm so hungry.

About three miles into their hike, Alexis realized she had yet to document all this time in the crisp, beautiful outdoors for her Instagram followers. _The horror_.

“You guys, I think we need to get a picture!” She surveyed the trail ahead of them: tall grasses, some trees, a stream, and… “Oooh, over by that cute little bridge!”

Stevie rolled her eyes. “I’ll pass.”

“No, Stevie, you _have_ to.” David scowled at her. “If I have to, you have to.”

“Yeah, Stevie, if it helps? I’ll tag you and you can, um, grow your followers. Which is good for the business.”

Stevie shook her head. “My Instagram is mostly pictures of sandwiches I ate and garbage by the side of the road.” David looked at her. “I have, like, 3 followers. One them is my mom.”

“OK, well, like, the motel’s Instagram, then?”

“What does this have to do with the motel?”

“Oh, my god, Stevie, you have _got_ to learn about social media branding.”

“ _Fine._ ”

“Maybe Jake can take it,” Patrick pointedly suggested. Jake shot Stevie a “this guy?” look, and she facepalmed in response.

“No, that’s OK, I’m, like, an expert at group selfies.”

“She really is. She got the _whole_ family at Thanksgiving, and everyone looked good. Even grandpa,” Ted added.

“How are we still not at this fucking bridge yet,” David spat. Patrick gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “Just think of the pie, David.”

“Did you happen to see what _kinds_ of pies, maybe, Jocelyn brought…?”

Patrick let out an amused sigh. “I don’t, but if it helps, we can talk about the best pies we’ve eaten for the rest of the hike back.”

“Yes. I would like that very much.” David flashed his sideways grin and squeezed Patrick’s hand. “It’s not so much a pie, but did I ever tell you about the pear frangipane tart our cook in Cannes made for dad’s birthday? She picked the pears from the orchard next to our villa that morning.”

“No, no, and I’d love to hear more, but just to give you something to look forward to, you haven’t lived until you’ve had my grandmother’s chocolate pecan pie at Christmas.”

“Mmm, that does sound like something to look forward to.”

They finally reached the footbridge—which really did have a perfectly rustic, pastoral look—and Alexis began directing. “So David, Jake, you need to be in the back. Stevie, stand here; Patrick here; Ted… OK, perfect, and… _smile_!”

Alexis’s face was flawlessly posed; Ted smiling amiably next to her. David had one eyebrow raised and Patrick was turned to look up at him. Jake’s face was expressionless; Stevie looked confused. They were all bathed in sunlight and green.

“Oh my god, no, take it again,” David sneered.

“I don’t know, David, I feel like she really captured our _essence_ ,” Patrick joked. “Especially Stevie’s.”

“Please don’t tag the motel in that.”

“OK, fine, one more. Everybody ready?” Patrick pulled David in for a kiss just before the shutter clicked.

* * *

By the time the kids traipsed back into the motel lobby, _The Godfather_ was almost over. Jocelyn had dozed off in Roland’s arms, and the elder Roses were snuggling contentedly.

“My legs are _jelly_ and I need to sit immediately,” David charged.

“Folding chairs are in the back room, son.”

David panted dramatically. “And please tell me there’s still pie.”

“We were awaiting your return, children,” Moira said.

“How thoughtful of you.” Ted, Patrick, and Stevie quietly retrieved a folding table and chairs for everyone.

“Um, Jocelyn, can I help with the pies?” Alexis asked.

A groggy Jocelyn replied, “Oh, sure, honey, they’re on the desk. Rollie, go get the pie servers.”

“And what kinds of pies did you make, Jocelyn?”

“David’s been thinking of nothing else for the last two miles,” Patrick called over the din of setting up folding chairs, fully expecting the look of exasperation David shot him. He loved that look.

“Uh-huh. Well, there’s an apple pie, [maple pie](http://www.pbs.org/food/kitchen-vignettes/canadian-maple-syrup-pie/), [flapper pie](https://www.thekitchenmagpie.com/my-cherished-canadian-recipe-flapper-pie/), [Nanaimo bar pie](https://www.canadianliving.com/food/baking-and-desserts/recipe/frozen-nanaimo-pie-1), and pecan pie, and there should be a pack of whipped cream in the fridge.”

“Wow. That’s quite the spread, and I, for one, cannot wait to dig in,” Johnny said, getting up as the movie credits rolled.

David grabbed the stack of dessert plates and forks and passed them around the table while Alexis and Roland readied the pies and everyone else found a seat.

Somehow, Jake managed to squeeze into their family gathering without comment. And he took a seat between David and Stevie.

Before long, no one was talking because they were too busy shoveling Jocelyn’s delicious pies into their pieholes. The only sounds were the clinking of forks against plates, the “whhhrrrrp!” of whipped cream canisters, and semi-orgasmic “mmmm!” noises. Mostly from David and Roland.

Full of pie and high on sugar, David attempted to instigate a whipped cream fight with Patrick, but it didn’t last long. “Ew, David, not in front of mom and dad. Or me,” Alexis warned.

“Fine. But I’m taking this for later.” Patrick’s eyebrows rose as David sat back, momentarily defeated.

Jocelyn and Roland stood up. “Well, gang, I think we’ve got to get going,” Roland announced.

“Oh, yeah, I should probably take Jake home, too,” Stevie said, adding under her breath: “Before he says something we’ll both regret.”

“You two wanna come?” Jake asked Patrick and David. Patrick laughed out loud while David stared daggers at Stevie—it’s _her fault_ he’s here—and said, “Absolutely not.”

“But thank you for that generous offer, Jake,” said Patrick when he finally stopped laughing.

“You do you, guys.”

“Yeah. OK, so, too late on the regrets, but thanks for having us,” Stevie said, rushing to the door. “I’ll leave the bourbon.”

With their guests gone, the Roses sat around in silence for a moment.

“Well, that was a success,” Johnny said.

“Yes, dear, apart from dramatics courtesy a certain rugged amatorculist from our son’s past, it’s a rousing achievement.”

“It’s not like _I_ invited him,” David snapped.

“Shall we play a game or something? I think I saw some on the shelf over there,” Patrick suggested.

“Umm, I just see a backgammon box… that has a checkers board in it, and some Monopoly pieces,” Ted said from across the room. “Oh, wait, here’s… Trivial Pursuit? 1980s edition? Huh. It seems to have all the pieces.”

“Would anyone like some tea?” Patrick offered.

“As efficacious as ever, Patrick,” Moira smiled. “I would love a cup of tea.”

“Anyone else?” Patrick counted the nods and set to his task. The rest of the family took a seat and started setting up the game.

“You know what would be fun? What if we broke up the couples for teams. For quality time. Your mother could play with Ted and I can play with Patrick.”

“Uh, no, that’s a _terrible_ idea,” David frowned.

“Yeah, dad, that means I have to play with _David_.” David looked offended.

Patrick returned to the table with a pot of tea. The boyfriends looked at each other helplessly. “It’s cool, Alexis. I’m sure your dad and I can _beat it_.” Ted couldn’t help himself to a terrible joke. Johnny looked slightly regretful.

“Though I’m loathe to admit it, I’ve been looking forward to an occasion to better acquaint myself with our sweet Patrick.” Moira smiled warmly as Patrick poured her a cup of tea.

“Ugh. Fine. I’ll play with Alexis. Don’t fuck this up for me,” David hissed.

As the Roses played its way through an outdated trivia board game—it was a tough call, but eventually Moira and Patrick proved unbeatable—a new family dynamic was affirmed. It wasn’t what they expected or thought they ever wanted, no, but it was pretty great all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this goofy little saga. I don't know that I found enough "conflict!!!" but what I put in there felt true to the characters, so I hope you enjoyed it. Happy holidays!


End file.
